Be Nice by Tom Norvell

Don’t use foul or abusive language. Let everything you say be good and helpful, so that your words will be an encouragement to those who hear them. And do not bring sorrow to God’s Holy Spirit by the way you live. Remember, he is the one who has identified you as his own, guaranteeing that you will be saved on the day of redemption. Get rid of all bitterness, rage, anger, harsh words, and slander, as well as all types of malicious behavior. Instead, be kind to each other, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, just as God through Christ has forgiven you. (Ephesians 4:29-32)

As the assistant coach for my daughter’s basketball team my job is to help the head coach teach the girls some of the fundamentals of the game. Dribbling. Passing. Defense. Shooting. Playing as a team. Most of the coaching in this instructional league really takes place in the thirty minutes of practice prior to the game. Once the ball is tipped it is difficult, at best, to get ten, eleven, and twelve-year-old girls to understand the value of setting a good screen, or to grasp the importance of blocking-out in order to get a rebound.

At this age, the aggressive “we-gotta-win” mentality has not yet taken over. Their innocence is still very evident at this stage of the game. In one game a girl bumped into another while they both were going after a loose ball. She stopped and said, “Oh, I’m sorry.” Another time I heard one of the girls say, “Excuse me,” as she tried to take the ball away from one of the girls on the other team. Last week as a substitution was made one of the girls on the opposing teams yelled back at the bench: “I don’t know who I’m guarding.” From our bench one of our girls said, “You were guarding me, so now you’re guarding....” I reminded her that in a real game you might not want to do that. (After all, it is an instructional league.)

She gave me a puzzled look and I wished I had not said anything. Even now as I reflect on the incident, I wish I had kept my instructions to myself. I wish I had said instead, “That was a nice thing to do. Don’t ever stop being nice.”

When we wonder what has happened to all the nice people, perhaps we should look to a basketball court full of little girls. Maybe we should think about how we may actually be teaching our kids not to be so nice. Do we really want them to learn not to be nice? Maybe we should ask ourselves if the high cost of winning at any cost is really worth the cost.

I am reminded of a statement that my daughter has somewhat adopted as one of her favorites: “It’s nice to be important, but it’s more important to be nice.” We would do well not to work so hard to teach our children not to be so nice. I am glad this is an instructional league. I think I may be learning something.

Let’s be nice.

How To Be A Fantastic Flirt !

Of course girls can flirt… whoever told you that’s a premise for men alone. No, girls, you can have the guys tied up in knots if you like, you only need to know how. Here are some tricks and tips to keep the guys delighted by your flirtatious self! Read and practice!

Pay close attention. You are just about to learn easy ways to flirt with a guy

1. Make Eye Contact

The eyes can be most important instrument for flirting guys. There should be repeated contact. Eye contact is very important, it tells that you are sincere. On your first, he will make sure that it is really him that you are flirting with. With your second, he knows it’s him and is all giddy about it and on your third, he might be going over to your table now, you should express interest by introducing yourself and starting a conversation.

2. Whisper

This usually gets their attention. Avoid shouting. Check your voice; it may sound like a grill.

3. Alone-Some

No man can bear a rejection in front of a herd. Also, he may feel that he can’t approach you because of your friends.

4. Politeness Please!

If you are not interested, be polite. You can always refer him to one of the girls. At least, you can practice your confidence in meeting other people and you just met a potential friend!

5. No Sexual Stuff

Give clear signals that you are not just making fun out of it. Make sure to check your choice of words too, your flirting might sound a little sexual instead of a friendly flirting.

6. The Positive Approach

People like to be with people who are cheerful and has a positive mindset. Feel good about yourself and everyone, and they will feel good about you.

7. Buddy System

This is used a lot by female groups going to parties or drinking place. Walk through a group of men and let one of your friends check out who is eyeing on you.

8. Don’t Flash Too Much Skin

Become more irresistible by showing a little of you, a little flesh in the legs is not that bad, wear something that can emphasize your great features.

9. Be Approving of Him

Give him the winning look. From head to toe, nod with approval and flash your sweetest smile.

10. Don’t Pretend

Lastly, don’t forget to be YOURSELF! You will not enjoy any moment of it if you are playing somebody who you’re not supposed to be, stay focus and be proud of who you are.

Order of Birth

Did you know that where you fall in your family’s birth-order hierarchy helps shape your personality and plays a significant role in your relationship? Your personality is directly related to how you interact with other people, since the first people you interacted with were your parents and siblings. Here’s what you need to know about birth order types—and how they mix, match, mesh or clash.

First Borns

These children tend to be conscientious, ambitious, organized and, in relationships, dominant. “Firstborns like to be in control.” As with all birth-order positions, gender plays a role, too. In the case of firsts, oldest sons tend to be take-charge types, leaders. Oldest females, on the other hand, are more likely to be bossy, confident and aggressive than their younger sisters.

Middle borns

Middle children are the least defined of the types (there can only be one eldest and one baby, but middles shift depending on how many there are in the whole family). That said, they can be predictable in the best sense of that word. As a general rule, middles tend to be good at compromise—a skill valuable to them as they negotiated between bossy older sibs and needy younger ones. However, some middle children (probably for the same reasons as above) can be secretive.

Last Borns

Ah, the little sibs of the family. Beloved, treasured, and in many cases babied for much longer than their older siblings (and often by their older siblings), the stereotypical youngest of the brood tends to be less responsible and more devil-may-care, with less of a hankering to take charge. “That can be different if the baby of the family came after a gap of more than a few years, though,” In that case, the baby of the family may act more like an only child or an older sibling—as though the family had started all over again.

Only Children

The stereotype about only children is that they are pampered and precious, and thus will have trouble ceding the spotlight to anyone. But that doesn’t describe every only child. In fact, many only children act a lot like firstborns. They tend to be responsible as well as mature. In fact, many “grow up” more quickly than kids with sibs, thanks to how much time they spend with adults.

18 Things I Wish Someone Told Me When I Was 18

1. Commit yourself to making lots of mistakes. – Mistakes teach you important lessons. The biggest mistake you can make is doing nothing because you’re too scared to make a mistake. So don’t hesitate – don’t doubt yourself. In life, it’s rarely about getting a chance; it’s about taking a chance. You’ll never be 100% sure it will work, but you can always be 100% sure doing nothing won’t work. Most of the time you just have to go for it! And no matter how it turns out, it always ends up just the way it should be. Either you succeed or you learn something. Win-Win. Remember, if you never act, you will never know for sure, and you will be left standing in the same spot forever.
2. Find hard work you love doing. – If I could offer my 18-year-old self some real career advice, I’d tell myself not to base my career choice on other people’s ideas, goals and recommendations. I’d tell myself not to pick a major because it’s popular, or statistically creates graduates who make the most money. I’d tell myself that the right career choice is based on one key point: Finding hard work you love doing. As long as you remain true to yourself, and follow your own interests and values, you can find success through passion. Perhaps more importantly, you won’t wake up several years later working in a career field you despise, wondering “How the heck am I going to do this for the next 30 years?” So if you catch yourself working hard and loving every minute of it, don’t stop. You’re on to something big. Because hard work ain’t hard when you concentrate on your passions.
3. Invest time, energy and money in yourself every day. – When you invest in yourself, you can never lose, and over time you will change the trajectory of your life. You are simply the product of what you know. The more time, energy and money you spend acquiring pertinent knowledge, the more control you have over your life.
4. Explore new ideas and opportunities often. – Your natural human fears of failure and embarrassment will sometimes stop you from trying new things. But you must rise above these fears, for your life’s story is simply the culmination many small, unique experiences. And the more unique experiences you have, the more interesting your story gets. So seek as many new life experiences as possible and be sure to share them with the people you care about. Not doing so is not living.
5. When sharpening your career skills, focus more on less. – Think in terms of Karate: A black belt seems far more impressive than a brown belt. But does a brown belt really seem any more impressive than a red belt? Probably not to most people. Remember that society elevates experts high onto a pedestal. Hard work matters, but not if it’s scattered in diverse directions. So narrow your focus on learning fewer career related skills and master them all.
6. People are not mind readers. Tell them what you’re thinking. – People will never know how you feel unless you tell them. Your boss? Yeah, he doesn’t know you’re hoping for a promotion because you haven’t told him yet. That cute girl you haven’t talked to because you’re too shy? Yeah, you guessed it; she hasn’t given you the time of day simply because you haven’t given her the time of day either. In life, you have to communicate with others. And often, you have to open your vocal cords and speak the first words. You have to tell people what you’re thinking. It’s as simple as that.
7. Make swift decisions and take immediate action. – Either you’re going to take action and seize new opportunities, or someone else will first. You can’t change anything or make any sort of progress by sitting back and thinking about it. Remember, there’s a huge difference between knowing how to do something and actually doing it. Knowledge is basically useless without action.
8. Accept and embrace change. – However good or bad a situation is now, it will change. That’s the one thing you can count on. So embrace change, and realize that change happens for a reason. It won’t always be easy or obvious at first, but in the end it will be worth it.
9. Don’t worry too much about what other people think about you. – For the most part, what other people think and say about you doesn’t matter. When I was 18, I let the opinions of my high school and early college peers influence my decisions. And, at times, they steered me away from ideas and goals I strongly believed in. I realize now, ten years later, that this was a foolish way to live, especially when I consider that nearly all of these people whose opinions I cared so much about are no longer a part of my life. Unless you’re trying to make a great first impression (job interview, first date, etc.), don’t let the opinions of others stand in your way. What they think and say about you isn’t important. What is important is how you feel about yourself.
10. Always be honest with yourself and others. – Living a life of honesty creates peace of mind, and peace of mind is priceless. Period.
11. Talk to lots of people in college and early on in your career. – Bosses. Colleagues. Professors. Classmates. Social club members. Other students outside of your major or social circle. Teaching assistants. Career advisors. College deans. Friends of friends. Everyone! Why? Professional networking. I have worked for three employers since I graduated from college (I left my first two employers by choice on good terms), but I only interviewed with the first employer. The other two employers offered me a job before I even had a formal interview, based strictly on the recommendation of a hiring manager (someone I had networked with over the years). When employers look to fill a position, the first thing they do is ask the people they know and trust if they know someone who would do well in the position. If you start building your professional network early, you’ll be set. Over time, you’ll continue talking to new people you meet through your current network and your network’s reach and the associated opportunities will continue to snowball for the duration of your career.
12. Sit alone in silence for at least ten minutes every day. – Use this time to think, plan, reflect, and dream. Creative and productive thinking flourish in solitude and silence. With quiet, you can hear your thoughts, you can reach deep within yourself, and you can focus on mapping out the next logical, productive step in your life.
13. Ask lots of questions. – The greatest ‘adventure’ is the ability to inquire, to ask questions. Sometimes in the process of inquiry, the search is more significant than the answers. Answers come from other people, from the universe of knowledge and history, and from the intuition and deep wisdom inside yourself. These answers will never surface if you never ask the right questions. Thus, the simple act of asking the right questions is the answer.
14. Exploit the resources you do have access to. – The average person is usually astonished when they see a physically handicap person show intense signs of emotional happiness. How could someone in such a restricted physical state be so happy? The answer rests in how they use the resources they do have. Stevie Wonder couldn’t see, so he exploited his sense of hearing into a passion for music, and he now has 25 Grammy Awards to prove it.
15. Live below your means. – Live a comfortable life, not a wasteful one. Do not spend to impress others. Do not live life trying to fool yourself into thinking wealth is measured in material objects. Manage your money wisely so your money does not manage you. Always live well below your means.
16. Be respectful of others and make them feel good. – In life and business, it’s not so much what you say that counts, it’ how you make people feel. So respect your elders, minors, and everyone in between. There are no boundaries or classes that define a group of people that deserve to be respected. Treat everyone with the same level of respect you would give to your grandfather and the same level of patience you would have with your baby brother. Supporting, guiding, and making contributions to other people is one of life’s greatest rewards. In order to get, you have to give.
17. Excel at what you do. – There’s no point in doing something if you aren’t going to do it right. Excel at your work and excel at your hobbies. Develop a reputation for yourself, a reputation for consistent excellence.
18. Be who you were born to be. – You must follow your heart, and be who you were born to be. Some of us were born to be musicians – to communicate intricate thoughts and rousing feelings with the strings of a guitar. Some of us were born to be poets – to touch people’s hearts with exquisite prose. Some of us were born to be entrepreneurs – to create growth and opportunity where others saw rubbish. And still, some of us were born to be or do whatever it is, specifically, that moves you. Regardless of what you decide to do in your lifetime, you better feel it in every fiber of your being. You better be born to do it! Don’t waste your life fulfilling someone else’s dreams and desires.

But above all, laugh when you can, apologize when you should, and let go of what you can’t change. Life is short, yet amazing. Enjoy the ride.